“Father’s Day may have come and gone, but the dad jokes never stop. Whether you’re a dad yourself or just enjoy a good pun, these 20 jokes from this month are sure to make you laugh (or groan). From clever wordplay to corny puns, these jokes are the cream of the crop when it comes to dad humor. So grab a seat and get ready for some cheesy laughs!”
In other news, Bill Nye’s daughter, Dee, came out as a Flat Earther and Anti-Vaxxer, and is starting a new organization to support the movements.The Dee Nye Science Foundation.
Whats the difference between an american and a computer?An american doesn’t have troubleshooting
Sylvester Stallone says he wants to make a movie about classical music. He says, “I will be Beethoven.” Jean Claude Van Damme says, “I’ll be Mozart.”Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “C’mon guys, don’t make me say it.”
I remember when I dropped off my son on his first day of school. He looked worried, so I asked him, “What’s wrong?” Nervously he answered, “How long do I have to go to school for?” I laughed and replied, “Until you’re 18.” He nodded and thought about it quietly.When we got to the front gates, he said, “Dad, you will remember to come and get me when I’m 18, won’t you?”
The joke that made all of my coworkers groanI work in long term healthcare and every year, we fill out a sheet that details what is Important To and Important For for every person that we support just to help keep things in perspective.
During our meeting, my supervisor said, “okay, that’s the Important To. Let’s move on to Important For.
I raised my hand and said, “Wait! You skipped Important Three!”
My great-grandmother lay dying in the hospital (I was born after she died) and no one knew if she was dead or just asleep, so someone said, “Feel her feet. No one ever died with warm feet.”
My great grandmother opened her eyes and said, “Joan of Arc did.” And those were her last words. She died a few minutes later.
That’s a true story.
My 6 year old couldn’t sleep. So I told her that there are cows sleeping in a field. She asked me what that had to do with anything.I told her because it’s pasture bedtime.
This is ridiculous! We’re 364 days away from ChristmasAnd people already have their lights up on their house.
I asked an employee at the grocery store where the cereal was. He said, “I’ll see.” and walked off. Waited 10 minutes and he never returned. Exasperated, I found another employee and they too said, “I’ll see.” and just walked off, never to return. I eventually found it myself…It was in aisle C
Last night, while my wife was asleep I decided to write algebraic terms all over her.You should have seen the expression on her face.
My wife slipped on black ice and landed on her tailbone…[true]She came inside with bloody hands and said, “Can you check and see…I think I broke my tailbone?”
I’ll take a look…with my 8 year old son and 5 year old daughter beside me, I drop her sweats down and say, “Oh, sweetie, it’s broken…”.
My kids looked at me because they don’t see it and she says, “It is?”
“Yeah, look…there’s a big crack in it!”
[we still laugh at this 20 years later, chiropractor later confirms it with a X-ray years later that it was broken]
How do 37 mathematicians board a bus with only 36 seats?They carry the one.
If Jesus was real they wouldn’t call it the crucifixionThey would call it crucifact.
Today I learned that the game, Mortal Kombat is actually based on an old Scandinavian, children’s song.It’s a Finnish hymn.
My dad used to say to me ‘When One Door Closes another will Open’He was a brilliant philosopher but a terrible cabinet maker.